Only two years have gone by since a good friend has passed and I didn't even realize it on the day that it happened.Is that how long it takes to forget?

There's another anniversary of a friend's death next month. This one coming up will mark the one year anniversary, so I remembered. I'm such an asshole.

You figure with these two incidents happening to two people very close to me, in situations I could have easily been in, that I would get up and do something with my life and not waste a second of my time. I haven't been doing anything though. I'm wasting what has started as a day here and a day there but has turned into months now.I've been descending into a mess I won't get out of anytime soon; gotta get it together and find some motivation; figure out where it is I want to take myself and what it is that I want to do. The truth is though, I'm finding that I don't really want to do anything.

On another note,

This American Life is keeping me sane.Get into it; free podcast on iTunes.

So I've pretty much been spending 90% of my time by myself, working out/running, thinking about what I need to do to get my life in gear, and sleeping. I thought I'd be more lonely than this but it doesn't bother me that much.I've never been one to get along with everybody, but now more than ever I am having issues with just occasionally hanging out with people that I used to be around all the time.

I know I'm not going to agree with people 100% or get along with them 100% but it's been getting harder to be around people who live lives/have beliefs and values almost completely opposite of mine. The worst part of this is that some of these people have been in my life for years and years.

I wish I had the money to live on my own right now, no roommates, in a place where I barely know anybody.It would simply things so much.

On another note(well it's pretty much the same note, but a different song),winter sucks; not because of the snow or the temperature but because it makes most people miserable...like this is something new here in MA...As if the majority of these people haven't been here for their entire lives and been dealing with the same seasons year after year.

It makes people turn in to themselves and to their homes,like the world is ending.I feel like I'm in the beginning of the apocalypse when I look around sometimes; streets are empty, businesses are closed, and the sky is always dark. I'm moving to California.

It's been a long time since I've blogged last.There has been plenty of blog worthy times in my life since the last post but I just haven't felt inclined to write them out.

I am currently working for a demolition/construction company in Lynn,MA. I am a fairly big part of the company and I have the potential to go far with this job as long as the amount of work increases.I've stopped touring. I've been trying to live a life at home with my family and friends, while working towards my future;paying bills, saving money, and working towards a career.It's not working out so well.

I feel like I should be somewhere else, doing something else..something more meaningful, inspiring, beneficial...to causes I believe in and this world that I live in.I can't stand being in a place that I don't enjoy living, doing jobs that I don't care for.

Why can't I be somewhere that I love, doing something I enjoy? Why shouldn't I be as happy as I possibly can be, all of the time? I need to find this place and these things that I love.

I'm in Houston right now working.I haven't posted in a while and some things have been going on. We were in Los Angeles a few days ago and some management guys were out along with a bunch of friends that came out to hang. Everyone partied pretty hard.

I got hit in the face with a full beer, thrown into the wheel well of the bus and slapped in the face, all on different occasions by different people- all of them my friends.Ha. We stayed up until 6AM drinking 40s (our hospitality list is awesome).

I was sitting on the floor in the bunk area before I went to bed and Puig, the tour manager was piss drunk and fell out of the top bunk on top of me. He was sleeping/passed out through the whole thing...sitting up though, I dont know how that's possible, but he wasn't moving.So I pushed him into the bottom bunk and he slept there. The next day I was walking through the bunk area barefoot and I was trying to figure out why the floor was wet. I thought there was a leak in the roof or something. Nope...turns out Puig crawled out of that bottom bunk and was on all fours just pissing on the rug like a dog.

Two days later it was my birthday. We had the day off in El Paso in the middle of nowhere.I slept til 4, did some paperwork and then went to eat with a couple people on the tour. We got Mexican and I drank some margaritas.See the picture above.

We went to Target after and Grizz ( theroadishell.blogspot.com ) bought me a bean bag toss game for my birthday. We played in the parking lot of the hotel for a while and drank some beers.Decent birthday,I'm happy with it.

Shitcago

Last night we did the House of Blues in Chicago. It was an early show, had to be over at 9:30 because Nelly was playing there after our show.

I went to Veggie Bite and spent $20 on lunch..got vegan chili cheese fries, steak and cheese sub, and buffalo chicken wings.I tried eating it all but it didnt work out. The place is weird...set up like a McDonald's kind of...but the food was pretty good.

I wasn't planning on drinking because I have been feeling shitty from partying everynight but I ended up going to some dive a couple blocks away called Rossi's.I highly recommend it to anyone visiting Chicago.They even sell beer to go! I stayed til close and started my walk back to the bus.....Some lady doing a crack shuffle hustled me for a dollar so she could get a hot dog from 7/11.A drunk lady in her mid 40s Id say from the bar followed us back to the parking garage that the bus was in and tried to get us to drink beers with her at her 34th floor apt.She wouldnt leave when we said no so we took her number and told her we'd call.We opted out of that one.I got back to the bus and got in a wrestling match with one of my best friends.Another dude puked.I drank another beer and went to bed.
I shoulda stayed in bed to begin with.

Party

I'm out on day 3 of Unearth's fall tour and it may have peaked already. Last night was a mess in the bus. It involved no shirts, Pabst cans, American flag bandannas, jams, and a video camera. The videos got uploaded here http://promo.livenation.com/sweepstakes/unearth/ but I think some got taken down for business reasons to say the least.

Our bus is 20 years old and it's sweet, complete with stained woodwork and flannel sheets.
The driver hates us because we already thrashed the bus.He loves new metal.

I'm so pumped to be on this tour with this band and this crew. Good times.

This room feels like it's going to explode.

There is a point that I have reached on every tour where I question what I am doing, why I am there, is it worth it, etc..etc. Today I reached that point on this tour.

I wake up everyday in a parking lot not knowing what city or state I am in. There is no point in looking at the itinerary to see where we are because even if we are in a city I want to do stuff in, there is little to no chance I will get the opportunity to once my work day is done. 

I don't know if I am hungover or just feeling normal anymore because the two somehow became one when I wasn't looking.I open my eyes each day and I could have sworn I just closed them to go to bed. 

We're on our second 12 day stretch of shows in a row after two days off in Boston..brutal.

I miss home,I miss Lauren, I miss my family, I miss like 6 of you.. the rest of you can eat shit because you probably didn't know I have been gone until you read this blog. You can tell me that phones and email work both ways and I can tell you to beat it.